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PhD- Eighteen Months Report


 4 mins read

Hola.

So, I've been working on my Ph.D. for about a year and a half now. Feels surreal. Where were we? In month 15, I have written about how much I adore working in my office and how I have more roles this year. Well, these things are still going on, except I am switching between office and library as my workplace now. You can't really work at one place while pursuing your Ph.D., can you?

Regarding my roles, I think I am fairly satisfied with them, even though I was very hesitant at the beginning. I am working on a very intriguing yet challenging project as part of my job. It took a good amount of time for me to make myself familiar with the project and adjust the work-PhD balance. I still cannot say that I have accomplished that fully. I am still questioning my life when I'm cycling back from the library at midnight. But no complaints here, whatsoever. I chose this sparkly life myself, lol. Besides, I'm working with incredible people. I always try to work hard but I guess I also have some luck in terms of the people surrounding me. And the effect of luck is undeniable in professional life.

On the other hand, I think that being outside of my comfort zone is still an emotional roller coaster for me. I don’t know if you get used to this kind of stuff over time. I comfort myself by telling myself that, it only gets better from here.

Being a co-editor in chief of a journal gives me the sense that I am doing something significant. Working for a journal and dealing with the editing process has always seemed like a really cool thing to me. And I believe that in the long run, I would like to be a part of a journal in my career. I'm literally enjoying every second of it since it doesn't feel like a burden. I feel ecstasy answering every email relating to it. And it might be the least stressful responsibility I have among the others.

These days I keep forgetting that I am also a Ph.D. student. Because if there is one thing that is so easy in Ph.D. is that getting carried away by other things. I don’t know. Lots of things happening every day. Sometimes I am fighting towards myself to create some time to just sit down and write my thesis. But I have survived 18 months and that thing still going on. During this time, I had another supervisor change. Why does this always feel like a breakup? I hope I can learn how to be professional when I get older. Cuz when I get older, I will be stronger.

My confirmation review is a few months ahead. So, I’ll have to produce some high-quality chapters for that. Although I know I am making some progress, not sure if everything I have written makes sense. But it is difficult. Writing is always a struggle for me. I have been writing since I have learned how to write. I could make a living as a writer. But it is still the hardest thing I know.  Because I have a five-second attention span and am constantly distracted by this world. But I know, I will be alright. I am less worried about my Ph.D. now and I'm trying to squeeze things as much as I can into my life.

Working on the other projects apart from my Ph.D. contributed to me on both personal and professional levels. But it also helped me to understand something. Ph.D. is your priority. Ph.D. will always be your priority. But you can ACTUALLY do things outside of your Ph.D. and that is COMPLETELY fine. Last year I was freaking out when I had to do something outside of my Ph.D. Let's say, I'm preparing for a conference, or need to edit a piece. I was full of this feeling that I am stealing the time of my Ph.D. I was thinking if I distract myself a second from my Ph.D., I will lose it. So, in my understanding, I needed to stay focused all the time. However, it is not sustainable. You have to pick other things along the way. And dividing my focus into different things is actually assisting me in growing.

There are different skill sets you must gain during these years and writing a thesis is just one of them. I saw some Instagram post the other day that says, ‘The output of your Ph.D. is not your thesis, the output is you.’ And I couldn’t agree more. I have to learn how to write, yes. But I also need to learn how to teach, edit, behave in a meeting, talk to seniors, ask the right questions, be political even… So, it is more or less learning how to be a grown-up in the professional world.

You can always learn information from books, but other skills take time to internalize. If this is a game, you need to decide how to play it and tailor your Ph.D. years accordingly. I believe these years will be so valuable when looking back in time. I am basically getting paid to do some research on my own and even though it is very overwhelming most of the time, one should also benefit from it.  

Last but not least, I think doing a Ph.D. is still the coolest thing in the world.



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