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Hola.
So, I've been working on my Ph.D. for
about a year and a half now. Feels surreal. Where were we? In month 15, I have
written about how much I adore working in my office and how I have more roles this
year. Well, these things are still going on, except I am switching between
office and library as my workplace now. You can't really work at one place
while pursuing your Ph.D., can you?
Regarding my roles, I think I am fairly
satisfied with them, even though I was very hesitant at the beginning. I am
working on a very intriguing yet challenging project as part of my job. It took
a good amount of time for me to make myself familiar with the project and
adjust the work-PhD balance. I still cannot say that I have accomplished that
fully. I am still questioning my life when I'm cycling back from the library at
midnight. But no complaints here, whatsoever. I chose this sparkly life myself,
lol. Besides, I'm working with incredible people. I always try to work
hard but I guess I also have some luck in terms of the people surrounding me.
And the effect of luck is undeniable in professional life.
On the other hand, I think that being
outside of my comfort zone is still an emotional roller coaster for me. I don’t
know if you get used to this kind of stuff over time. I comfort myself by telling
myself that, it only gets better from here.
Being a co-editor in chief of a
journal gives me the sense that I am doing something significant. Working for a
journal and dealing with the editing process has always seemed like a really
cool thing to me. And I believe that in the long run, I would like to be a part
of a journal in my career. I'm literally enjoying every second of it since it
doesn't feel like a burden. I feel ecstasy answering every email relating to it.
And it might be the least stressful responsibility I have among the others.
These days I keep forgetting that I
am also a Ph.D. student. Because if there is one thing that is so easy in Ph.D.
is that getting carried away by other things. I don’t know. Lots of things
happening every day. Sometimes I am fighting towards myself to create some time
to just sit down and write my thesis. But I have survived 18 months and that thing
still going on. During this time, I had another supervisor change. Why does
this always feel like a breakup? I hope I can learn how to be professional when
I get older. Cuz when I get older, I will be stronger.
My confirmation review is a few
months ahead. So, I’ll have to produce some high-quality chapters for that. Although
I know I am making some progress, not sure if everything I have written makes
sense. But it is difficult. Writing is always a struggle for me. I have been
writing since I have learned how to write. I could make a living as a writer.
But it is still the hardest thing I know.
Because I have a five-second attention span and am constantly distracted
by this world. But I know, I will be alright. I am less worried about my Ph.D.
now and I'm trying to squeeze things as much as I can into my life.
Working on the other projects apart
from my Ph.D. contributed to me on both personal and professional levels. But
it also helped me to understand something. Ph.D. is your priority. Ph.D. will
always be your priority. But you can ACTUALLY do things outside of your Ph.D.
and that is COMPLETELY fine. Last year I was freaking out when I had to do
something outside of my Ph.D. Let's say, I'm preparing for a conference, or need
to edit a piece. I was full of this feeling that I am stealing the time of my Ph.D.
I was thinking if I distract myself a second from my Ph.D., I will lose it. So,
in my understanding, I needed to stay focused all the time. However, it is not
sustainable. You have to pick other things along the way. And dividing my focus
into different things is actually assisting me in growing.
There are different skill sets you must
gain during these years and writing a thesis is just one of them. I saw some Instagram
post the other day that says, ‘The output of your Ph.D. is not your thesis, the
output is you.’ And I couldn’t agree more. I have to learn how to write, yes.
But I also need to learn how to teach, edit, behave in a meeting, talk to
seniors, ask the right questions, be political even… So, it is more or less learning
how to be a grown-up in the professional world.
You can always learn information from
books, but other skills take time to internalize. If this is a game, you need
to decide how to play it and tailor your Ph.D. years accordingly. I believe these
years will be so valuable when looking back in time. I am basically
getting paid to do some research on my own and even though it is very
overwhelming most of the time, one should also benefit from it.
Last but not least, I think doing a Ph.D. is still the coolest thing
in the world.
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