4 min read
In my opinion, 2021 was one of my fullest years. I have tasted
ultimate happiness and sadness at the same time. And as I began to write about
them, they started to look like a chapter of my thesis (hello my inner PhD
student). Because I always have a lot to tell. Anyway, I know I will forget
them in a few months. Thus, I wanted to write down 7 lessons that I have
deducted from my past year to reflect on them in the future. Obviously, since
these are my own experiences, they concern me and me only. Not that I can at the
moment but just to clarify, I am not trying to teach anyone anything.
--
1-Nothing defines you entirely.
If you let some of the characteristics or titles define you,
it will harm you depending on that item. Let's say you define yourself as a
strong person. The moment you show weakness, it will make you feel much worse
than it would normally feel. I embraced the fact that I am not any of my
personalities or roles. Because I am not any of them 7/24. There are different
roles, jobs, personalities and features that I have. But none of them completely
identifies me. I wear one of them as a hat for a while, the other one for
another time. But that’s it. They are not me. I am just a regular human being.
2-You cannot truly know people until you really know
them.
People are unpredictable. You might assume they are nice or
decent. And most of them are. But some people are just freaks and there's
nothing you can do about it. It's 2022 and getting to know somebody is still a trial-and-error
process. And no, social media doesn’t help at all. And words and actions are
often different. I've learnt that words mean nothing until they're put into
action. And I no longer feel that "having a good intention" is
sufficient. My motto is now, ‘I believe it when I see it.’
3-People’s contributions might look different in the real
world.
Everybody is trying their best out there. Most people are
trying to make a positive impact on their relationships, society and the world.
However, they do not necessarily have to be identical or even comparable.
Because everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. Hence, we cannot
accept people acting the same way in similar situations. That wouldn’t be
realistic. More importantly, that wouldn’t be fair to that person.
4-It never goes as bad as you imagined.
In life, we are constantly challenging ourselves one way or
another. We are pursuing something big that we always wanted to do, but the
anxiety, fear of failure and the dread of the unknown are usually all too much
to bear. And that’s perfectly fine. We just need to keep in mind that probably
most of our fears will not come true. Because it almost never gets to that
point. We just enjoy imagining things in the worst-case scenario.
5-It’s vital to stay in present.
That’s the one I value the most and which has recently
entered my life. Mindfulness, I now believe, is the key to a peaceful mind. It
is natural to feel furious, upset, or anxious in response to some circumstances.
But the crucial thing is that these experiences should be happening right now. If
you are continually sad about something that happened two years ago or always
worried about something that will happen three months from now, you are not
living in the now. To be aware of things, you must bring yourself back to the
present time. One way to do this is to simply concentrate on your breathing. Surprisingly,
though, it is not simple. I can think a million different things while trying
to focus on my breathing. But that’s fine, too. It gets better with practice.
6-Thoughts are real but they are not always accurate.
For me, this is yet another lifesaver. Being aware of this
is just a huge relief. It's like a giant weight has been lifted from my
shoulders. Whenever I have a negative thought, I try to remind myself that it
is just some unrealistic stuff that my brain made up. And I'm allowing that
negative thinking to float away like clouds in the sky. I'm letting them go so
I can stay present and not be affected by something that never happened
7-Filtering is important and not just for coffee.
How could someone filter their coffee every morning but not
their words, especially when speaking to themselves? Yes, we often filter our
speech when expressing our thoughts and feelings to avoid hurting others. But
what I always forget about is that never filtering anything when I am talking
to myself (this is not weird anymore, right?). But that’s even more important
than filtering it to the outside world. What do you think if you constantly
tell yourself that you are lazy? One day you will start to believe it and even
though it's not true, it will be. So, all those cheesy affirmations that you
see here and there actually do work. If you absolutely need to state that you
are lazy, consider narrowing it down to something like ‘I was lazy this time’ or
‘I can be pretty lazy occasionally’. Because you are not a lazy person 7/24,
are you? However, the brain believes you when you say so.
--
I could go on and on, but I don't want this to turn into another
chapter in my thesis. So that’s it for now.
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