Extroverted Introvert

 

4 mins read

For the last few years of my life, I have been observing myself in social interactions and thinking from time to time, what's wrong with me? Because some things don’t make sense and I have been wondering, why I am the way I am? Some of the indications of these traits include, often feeling disturbed by people in society, struggling to find the energy to make a phone call or simply answer a text message, and having almost anxious feelings in some social gatherings…

A few years ago, I was reading a book* and discovered that I am an introvert. That idea made perfect sense by then. I was matching the description and all other introvert features. That, however, was not entirely true. Because when I am in a good mood, I am also a very outgoing person who loves socializing and meeting new people. But I definitely couldn’t define myself as an extrovert because that requires much more than that. Then I kept thinking and for a short time, determined that maybe I might have social anxiety or something. Or am I simply shy? But none of them were true. I don’t think I was ever shy in my entire life. But there was still something I couldn’t explain to myself and it kept making me miserable in social situations.

Until recently, I saw some phrase called ‘extroverted introvert’ and started to read about it. The more I read, the more it made sense and I felt truly understood. I think we already have a lot of misconceptions about the terms antisocial or shy and introverted. But I doubt many people are aware that there is such a thing as an extroverted introvert, also known as an 'ambivert'. Ambiverts have both introvert and extrovert personality traits and can lean on one or the other depending on the mood, circumstance, and everything else. And they can be as content reading something or just staring at the wall alone at home as they are going out and hanging out with friends. I know this is difficult to relate but it is also tough to maintain in social life.

If I go out two days in a row, on the third day I definitely have to stay home and be with myself. Otherwise, I will be the mood killer in the environment. Even on a good day, my social battery usually runs out after a few hours of hanging and no matter how much I adore the people around me, it is very challenging for me to keep talking. Sitting alone at a coffee shop for 6 hours is completely fine since I am not being forced to contribute or anything. And the strangers around me barely bother me. But there are certain days when I simply don’t want to see or talk to anyone and I want it to be acceptable to society.

I enjoy hanging out by myself, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel lonely. I do, sometimes. But I still wouldn’t risk my peace at the cost of being alone. Because that’s fine too. We don’t have to be entertained on 7/24. Besides, I value my personal time more than anything in the world, and anything that disrupts it would make me depressed. Some of my friends call this an ‘adjusting issue’ which may be true to a certain extent. But it's not just that. I want my socializing to be based only on my desires and since life requires some sort of flexibility, of course, it doesn’t always work out.   

Some days, God knows how much I hate WhatsApp. I could send you a funny meme on Instagram and may not respond to your message. Every notification drains my energy and drives me nuts when I hit my social interaction limit. On the other days, I am perfectly happy to reach out to people and make long phone calls. But I need to prepare myself mentally If I am going to speak to you for more than 3 minutes. It's almost a task on my to-do list to cross off. And I am usually done after two or three phone calls in the day.

In my professional life, I need to mentally prepare for the meetings and recover from them afterwards. I really don’t understand how some people could be in and out of the meetings all day. I don’t know what my future career holds for me but that doesn't seem something that I can manage. However, life is full of surprises. I couldn’t imagine I would come this far, either.

When I tell my circle that I am an introvert, the most common reaction is, ‘Nah, you are not’. Because I also love to socialize and to be seen. Only on the good days, though. I don’t know. Sometimes it even feels like having multiple identities. But actually, more than half of the population** is like this and they don’t even know. I think it is so easy to force yourself to do whatever society demands and thus introverted people or even just extroverted introverts are being forced to be outgoing to adjust to society’s social standards in order to be accepted as normal. But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about that.

  

* https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Behaviour/dp/0452272041

**https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-extroverted-introvert-5191202#citation-6