A Return to Love

4 mins

A few weeks ago (months actually) a friend of mine recommended me a book and since then, I have been reading- at a turtle speed. It’s hard to digest. Also, I am somehow always busy! (Who isn’t?) But anyway. It is almost finished now, and I thought I could write a few words about it.

Return to love is focused on the author’s experiences in the self-study guide ‘A Course in Miracles’. So, the author, Marianne Williamson, illustrates how the power of love in various aspects of life can help heal and contribute to personal development. This book makes me question almost everything that I do on automatic pilot. I cannot say that it changed my entire life. But it did put a fresh filter on my eyes and I think that’s very valuable. Because I really align with some of the thoughts, and I think to some extent it changed my perspective on relationships of all kinds.

Meaning doesn’t lie in things. Meaning lies in us. When we attach value to things that aren’t love, the money, the car, the house, the prestige- we are loving things that can't love us back. We are searching for meaning in the meaningless. Money, of itself, means nothing. It's not that they are bad. It's that they are nothing.

The meaning of life is a meaningful life. But how so? If a person can think thoroughly about the meaning of what they do, they may conclude that it is all empty. Seriously! Sometimes everything seems so pointless, shallow, and just numb. If life is an experience, it is the meaning that we attribute to it that makes it meaningful. I often find myself searching for satisfaction in materialistic things like a career, new toys, or different adventures. But after a while, as you climb over the ladders in your life and get used to having these things coming, you realize that none of this worldly garbage truly represents anything. The book suggests that there is this higher purpose in everything- the ultimate one, and that is love. And it doesn’t only refer to romantic love but love to everything and everyone. And eventually love to divine. But it's not easy to reach that level of capacity because, in my opinion, even our idea of love is corrupted. We only love what we think is beautiful in our eyes. Loving something with your heart and only your heart requires a whole level of profundity.

Our generation has slipped into a barely camouflaged vortex of self-loathing. And we are always, even desperately, seeking a way out, through growth or through escape. Maybe this degree will do it, or this job, this seminar, this therapist, this relationship, this diet, or this project. But too often, the medicine falls short of a cure, and the chains are just keep getting thicker and tighter. The same soap operas develop with different people in different cities. We begin to realize that we ourselves are somehow the problem, but we don’t know what to do about it.

These sentences are so familiar and true. I am a ‘carrying the flag of self-development in the front row’ kind of person. But none of this matters if the actions are not driven by self-love. Searching for love in any accomplishment is simply problematic. You are not going to love yourself when you finish writing your next chapter or learning three new languages. Love must come from within and be unconditional. It is not love if there are any ifs and buts. But I should say, self-compassion is the hardest thing in the world. And just because you understand how to do it, doesn’t mean that it occurs automatically. It requires patience, practice, and ultimate kindness. The sort of kindness that you would show anyone in the world but yourself.

My painful thought were my demons. Demons are insidious. Through various therapeutic techniques, I’d become very smart about my own neuroses, but that didn’t necessarily exorcise them. The garbage didn’t go away; it just became more sophisticated.

The last sentence made me laugh so hard. It almost feels like it's written in my name. I believe I have developed a clear awareness of certain issues over the last ten months or so. I know exactly what my patterns are, why I do them and how to get rid of them. However, knowing something does not necessarily mean being able to accomplish it. I can write a book on self-compassion or lecture you for hours on that. Because obviously it is easier said than done. However, I often fail to practice that in my personal life. Because like everything in the world, it requires exercise, and these things take time. It's still good though, to be aware of things. Gives you the chance to work on it. And that’s what matters.

Overall, the book was quite inspiring, and I highlighted most of it. Especially in the first several chapters, I often found myself thinking, ‘yeah, exactly, this’. The only drawback is that it connects everything to God's love from a Christian-Deistic standpoint. So, this may not be fit for everyone's mentality. Also, some parts of the book are a little repetitious, so finishing it takes some dedication. But aside from that, I believe the teachings in the book are really a gem and should be read from time to time, as a reference book.