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  I am tired of all these things. These falsehood and jealousy in relationships, all these staff we did but actually we do not want to do, and all struggle that we had to living...
  I am really sick of all these things. And also these tihngs are ageing me, i feel. In fact these bad things are ageing all the people. This is not the life i wanted to live. Yes i m supposed to be thankful cause i am healthy and have a family and have a great department in university. And yes i am glad for having these things. But still i am feeling that i am not belong to this life. I am thinking like this that's why i am not feeling  like i am free in my life. We are all dependent something during our whole life. We are dependent on people, places, properties and of course money. I don't wanna depent all these things. Cause i am not the person who is happy with dependency. I am the person who love her freedom more than everthing.


 And so all this dependent thing is unfortunately killing me psychologically. I always think i will be freer and happier in my business life. But as i saw it from people who in business life around me, they are not happier than me. So this is scaring me. This is scaring me cause i am expecting to be more comportable and happier in my future life. But as i saw from people, it is not working that way. Life is always getting more and more difficult for us. I was'nt such a person who complain about everything. Maybe it is because i just moved to some place and it is hard to get used to here for me. And i have two important exam next week so i m so stressful about that. As i said, i dont know what is the main reason. But  i m sure about one thing now, i am not happy with my life right now. And i have many doubts all details about my life. I am suspecting that am i doing right things and have i right people around me. All these gnaw my brain all the time.

But despite all the things that i wrote, i know a say from my favorite series. It is say “you cant design your life like a building. It doesnt work that way. You just have to live it and it will design itself.” Maybe all  my problem is trying to design all part of my life, i dont know. And maybe i am so perfectionist and  i want a life just the same as my dreams. But here is a little advice for both you and me, if we continue to plannig all detail of our life, we will be disappointed again and again all the time.   

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