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The Art of Becoming

I’ve always felt that I am destined to accomplish big things. How? Let me explain.

First of all, I adore my name. I think my parents did the greatest job in the world by giving me such a special name. It is the name of the daughter of the Prophet Mohammad, and I’ve always felt special because of that, even though people have mispronounced it my entire life. I never minded correcting them. It’s not the most practical name, for sure. Not in my home country, not abroad. But I truly love it. 

Second, I am one of the most emotionally intelligent and self-aware people I know. You know that moment when you go to therapy, and you already know exactly what the therapist is going to say– and you shock them? That’s me. When I meet a stranger, and we share a conversation, they almost instantly start telling me their darkest secrets. I realised this when I was younger. I have the face of someone people feel they can trust, and I genuinely excel at listening. This may seem like a disposable skill, but it is actually one of the most important skills in the world.

I am determined. Not in the sense of ambition, no. I give a real fuck on very few things. But when I care, I am determined. I am stubborn. And I have proven to myself that I can accomplish anything. I transformed myself from someone who barely spoke into someone who cannot stop talking. I chose a profession that requires constant speaking at a time when I could barely talk. And somehow–  somehow meaning years of struggle– God wished, the stars aligned, and I was in the right place at the right time.

I’ve always dreamed of living abroad. After the worst interview of my life, I was selected to do that, without any “external” help. I convinced so many people, including my closest ones, and bought a one-way ticket. My parents wouldn’t even let me travel to another city by myself, yet somehow they ended up being okay with me moving overseas. I didn’t know how to use Google Maps. I didn’t have internet. My English wasn’t good. And yet, I somehow made it.

I studied for my master’s and my PhD while I was still learning English. I travelled the world with little money and a lot of courage. I’ve shown courage in many other ways that I won’t name here, but none of them were easy.

I carry an endless, unconditional love within me. Especially this year has taught me how much love I am capable of giving. Being able to love deeply and to show genuine care is not easy. I am one of the most loving and caring human beings I know. If our paths crossed and even if we eventually parted, you know this is true.

And yet, unsurprisingly, loving is also not easy. It is scary as hell. Loving means being ready to get hurt. It means being vulnerable.

Was I scared doing all of this? In all honesty, I died a million times in my mind.

Everything I have done surprised me after I did it. I never thought of myself as a very successful person. But I am MANY things. And having courage and following my heart are two of them. I follow myself, and only myself. And it has brought me nothing but good. Even when things didn’t turn out well, it was still fine.

I feel like I am destined for more. I know I carry that within me. I am still scared, but it won’t stop me. Or at least that’s what I hope.

 

I don’t know you, but I need more time.
Promise me you’ll be mine.
Birds are flying over Europe skies.
Tell me, please—why can’t I?

 

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