Yes Man

Now that a month has passed (and more), I would like to talk a little bit about how I am coping with the social aspect of living in Singapore. I think when someone moves to a different country, people tend to think that it’s all glamorous, shiny, and exciting. It could be, but usually this is not the case when you move for the first time. It’s typically depressing, lonely and miserable. These feelings usually come from dealing with paperwork, admin stuff, buying things for the new house, trying to adjust to a new workplace, building a routine, and, more importantly, trying to make friends.

There’s a great deal of pain in leaving your existing social circle and building a new one. It takes a couple of seconds to meet a new person, but a couple of years to really accept that person into your life. Of course, the exception proves the rule.

In my first two weeks, I met a few people. In the last two weeks, I met a lot of people. When you’re new in the city, it’s easier to meet new people anyway. I don’t remember how many times I had the same conversation: “Yes, I just moved here. It’s going well so far. Of course, there are some challenges. I’m trying to adapt to the food, the weather, and the culture in general.”

And people just throw everything they know about Singapore at you: “Have you been in this place yet?” “You can use/buy this to make your life easier here.” “You should definitely try this restaurant/dish.”

When I first arrived, I was told that Singaporeans are not that warm and don’t socialise much with foreigners. So, I was always looking around to find expats to connect with. But of course, it didn’t work that way. I had this absurd idea that I would connect more with British people. No, Fatima, just because someone is also coming from the UK doesn’t mean you’re going to automatically click. Life doesn’t work that way. Also, what an inaccurate statement? Singaporeans I met so far were extremely kind and helpful to me.   

My first friends here were my friends’ friends. Honestly, having a wide variety of friends works wonders. Turns out everyone knows someone who lives in Singapore. Even if not a close connection, they know someone’s someone.

A couple of days passed like this, but I knew I couldn’t just live off my existing connections. So, I actively started meeting local people, finding hobby groups, and trying things outside of my comfort zone, stuff I didn’t think I would do.

I went to an escape room with a horror theme. Hello, are we talking about the same Fatima? I know in the past I rejected my friends’ invites to escape rooms in the UK just because it wasn’t my vibe, let alone a horror theme. It was fun. But not quite my kind of fun, so I confirmed my theory.

Then I went go-karting. Again, not my thing. But I did it anyway, out of desperation from feeling lonely. It was fun, until it wasn’t anymore, because I had an accident. Yeap. I tried it for the first time in a country I had just moved to, travelled to Malaysia for the weekend to do it, and injured myself. That was not fun. That was fucking horrible. I had to go to the medical clinic and was off work for a few days. I was so scared. Good thing I was not by myself, but still, I was scared. I still have a scar on my face as a reminder of that day.

I then went to play beach volleyball with a group of strangers. Though I was very familiar with the concept and had played volleyball many times indoors, I had only played beach volleyball as a kid and had completely forgotten how it was. Well, turns out hot sand burns your feet. That’s how it was. And it’s extremely hard to run around on the sand. How did I not expect that? Honestly, I don’t know. I thought I would just master it, because my volleyball skills were good last time I checked. But I was only average on the day. Oh well, we live and learn.

A hiking trip with another group of strangers followed. Hiking was one of my regular hobbies in the UK, so this was really fun and just as I expected, except for the humidity. Guys, humid weather is no joke. I’ve seen hot weather in both Turkey and the UK, and on my travels to Asia and Europe too. But 80% humidity is absolutely appalling. Walking 15 km in 80% humidity is unbearable. You’re constantly sweating, and there’s nothing you can do. No wonder Singaporeans don’t even want to walk 10 minutes. When people hear that I walk 25 minutes to work every day, they cannot believe it. They look at me like I’m some kind of lunatic: “Fatima, you cannot walk 25 minutes in Singapore.” Of course I can. Well, I do it anyway. Walking is life. It’s actually one of my favourite parts of the day. I walk while listening to my favourite tunes, grab a quick breakfast and coffee on the way, and enjoy the greenery, the giant lizards, and the chickens running around. (Don’t ask.)

I also tried something called Toastmasters for the first time. I was surprised to hear they are a global thing, including in the UK, and I had never heard of them. They’re a community helping with skills like public speaking, communication, and leadership—which I’m all for. And they’re extremely well-organised and structured, taking it very seriously, even though they do it on top of their day jobs. I had the chance to observe two different meetings, and I really loved it. I even gave a 2-minute talk on a random topic: “Should aliens be sceptical of humans?” You can imagine I was going on about absolute nonsense for the next two minutes, though people said I did well.

And the last thing I tried for the first time was Bachata. I’d been meaning to try Latin dances for a while in the UK, but I always had an excuse. I was either too busy, too introverted, or it was raining outside. So, it never felt like a good time. But in Singapore, when I was feeling alone and looking to make friends, one of my friends (who recently moved to Sydney) suggested that I try Latin dances. It would be fun and easier to meet new people. So, I went with a friend. It was indeed fun, but just not my vibe.

I’m still searching for some other dance groups. In the UK, I did Zumba, which was one of the best experiences and communities I had. But here I don’t think such a thing exists. I did, however, see some K-pop dance groups, lol. (P.S. I’m only half-joking here.)

Though I have a full-time work commitment here, I feel like I have more time on my hands than during my PhD years. Believe it or not, a PhD is busier than work, especially if you’re doing extracurricular stuff like I did. I was thinking (if not always working) about my PhD 24/7, and my weekends and evenings were always busy. I was juggling a thesis and several side projects or part-time jobs while trying to keep my social and personal life alive, which was a huge commitment.

But now, here I am working only during business hours, and honestly, I don’t think about it after 6 p.m. I leave my laptop in the office on purpose because, for the first time in my life, I’m trying this thing called work-life balance. And I’m not gonna lie, I absolutely love it.

Doing a PhD, with all the emotional and material troubles that came with it, was the hardest thing I've ever done. But once it’s over, life becomes good again. It’s like waking up and going to bed without carrying a giant stress ball, what a luxury! And now that I have more time on my hands, and as I try to adapt to life in this brand-new country, I have become a “Yes Man,” saying yes to everything and anything to make a life here.

One month down in this “fine” city. And I’m not just surviving anymore: I’m thriving.
Singapore, you’re officially home now.