End of an Era

This is a long-awaited post about my departure from the UK.

I’ve finally settled back in my hometown (for now), and a week has already passed. So, here we go.

I said goodbye to a country where I spent six years—give or take.
It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.
Though I always knew I’d say goodbye someday, I never truly believed that day would come.
It felt like ages away. I was a completely different person back then.

I came to this country in tears, and I'm leaving in tears.
The first time, I cried because I was heading into the unknown.
Now, everything is familiar, known, and feels like home.
But the tears on my cheeks fall for a different reason.

I never thought I’d leave behind so many loving hearts in just six years.
I came to this city knowing no one.
And now, I’ve spent my final days saying goodbye, meeting people, and even struggling to find enough time for everyone.

Goodbyes are hard.
Goodbyes are always hard.

I don’t even know exactly what—or whom—I’m saying goodbye to.
My gorgeous home?
My beautiful friends who proved to be lifelong?
My fabulous university?
My favorite coffee shops?

My beloved bike?

All the paths that have been walked, all the roads that have been crossed?
Or am I saying goodbye to my past years and my evolving self—a self that, apparently, evolved a bit too much and now belongs to nowhere and no one?

It takes years to make a place your home, to make it feel like yours.
And just when everything is finally in its right place, just as it should be, leaving becomes one of life’s little cruelties.

That was the most precious six years of my life.

I did everything a person possibly could.

I tasted all the flavors life had to offer.

I saw, I learned, I loved.

I’m not leaving behind a single “what if.”

And on my last day before leaving—to crown my time here— I shared my story with strangers, something that meant a lot to me.

It was vulnerable, yet strong. 

I parted from everyone with a “See you next time,” even those I know I may never see again.

Life is strange.
In every moment of my 31 years, I’ve had to say goodbye to something or someone.
But I still haven’t gotten used to farewells, and I still don’t know how to say them properly.

My eyes were filled with tears as the plane rose through the clouds.
The lady sitting next to me said, “Nothing is worth your tears.”

I know.
“You're right,” I said—and cried a little more.
She really was right.
But still, the heart aches.

Where is my home?
Where am I?

We've come too far to give up who we are.
So let's raise the bar and our cups to the stars.