First of Many

  

Today marks the last day of teaching for the semester. I feel exhausted and free, but mostly happy. I have done something I was most scared of—something I thought I could never do. One of my biggest fears. And yet, here I am, having led two module tutorials for a semester and surviving it.

It’s been a long time since I’ve truly challenged myself through work, so this experience is incredibly valuable to me. Of course, when I first started my PhD, gave my first presentation, started my first job, or took my first long-haul flight overseas, I felt challenged and scared. But all those moments are in the past. Recently, I’ve been sticking to things I’m already good at. Nothing has particularly pushed me- nothing that made me wake up at 5 a.m. or kept me stressed overnight.

As much as I disliked the anxiety coursing through my body, I appreciated the feeling of having a new goal—something to achieve, something that forced me out of my comfort zone. The satisfaction afterwards has been so worth it.

I liked my students very so much. They were my first students, and always will be. I will remember their faces, if not their names, years from now. I even told them they were my first, because I’m a big softie. I think we had a good run. I did well. I gave my best effort, and that was more than enough. All my fears and worries turned out to be unnecessary. I was able to teach—even though I convinced myself otherwise.

I know being very good at teaching requires a lot of practice. I’ve been told it takes years of experience to truly excel. I’m glad I’ve started that clock now.

As we approach the end of 2024, I’ve ticked off one more thing from my list—not a bucket list, but more like a “things I thought I could not do but, boy, was I wrong” list.

Fatima the baby lecturer, I’m so damn proud of you.