‘Boldness, Be My Friend’

24 February 2023. I'm sitting in my living room, looking at my laptop. ChatGPT is open on the screen,  and the question that has been asked is ‘How to cope with the anxiety of traveling alone?’ I was so scared that I was kind of hoping that artificial intelligence would help me. I wish I could tell the girl from two weeks ago that flying overseas by herself will be the best decision and that she’s about to see a tremendously beautiful country.

When I get bored, I look for a conference around the world. This was just one of those days, and I saw that there was a conference in Thailand to which I could contribute. The deadline for the abstract was three days away. I texted a few of my friends, hoping that someone else also would come to the conference. Because what the hell I was going to do at the other end of the world all by myself? Some of my friends were interested, and some of them were not. But in the end, no one managed to actually make it.  At first, I was really upset that I was going to go alone. I kept hoping someone else would come with me. It wasn’t because I thought I couldn’t survive alone, but because going to Asia has more elements that make it harder. I was kind of pleased when I traveled to South Korea, I had a friend with me. But long story short, I had to go alone and, as a result, do all the work by myself.

I remember that even just looking for the tickets was quite stressful for me. I delayed it until the very last minute because I just couldn’t calm my anxiety down. Then came the planning part. I hate planning things. But somehow, I am somewhat good at it, and I plan a lot of things. For this trip, I knew that there would be no one to ask for immediate help when needed. So, I needed to plan carefully, and that’s what I did.

First, I decided which cities I was going to visit after my conference. Then I booked the hotels, considering their distance to the city center, cleanliness, whether breakfast was included, etc. Then came my domestic flights, followed by the tourist places I wanted to see, what to put in my luggage, travel insurance, and extra insurance for my phone in case of theft. Because I was so sure I was going to get mugged somehow. Then came money exchange, bus tickets, and taxi bookings for traveling between hotels and airports. I planned everything one by one. I think the last thing on my list was to prepare a presentation for the conference. And when I finished that two days before I flew, there was literally nothing left to do. But I stayed nervous until I landed.

Traveling solo can be a real pain in the neck. But the truth is I was never lonely. I met people along the way and spent almost my every day with someone different. I used to hear this a lot: the fact that traveling with no company can give you the opportunity to meet others. I am sure you have also heard sentences like ‘‘Don’t travel alone, travel solo.’’ But I never thought this would apply to me. Because I don’t always love talking to strangers. And especially when my introverted part emerges, I avoid people. But it didn’t go how I thought it would. I was more talkative than I would imagine, and there were lots of English-speaking travelers whom I could connect with.

Pattaya

On my first day at Pattaya, I visited a famous sanctuary in the morning and saw two lovely girls from Malaysia on the same tour with me, and I wanted to ask them if they want to hang out with me for the rest of the day. What was the worst that could happen? Them saying no? Rejection can only be part of the game. Anyway, I asked, and they did say no, lol. But it turned out they had the same conference with me the next day and needed to prepare. How sweet it was to bump into some colleagues from the same conference so randomly. And of course, we ended up spending the next few hours together. And the next two days as well. It was a true blessing running into those girls.

The next day was the conference day. I hopped onto a motor and arrived at the venue: one of the fanciest places I have ever attended a conference. The service was top-notch and the people were incredibly friendly. I ended up talking to a lot of people, still have a bunch of business cards in my backpack. Sometimes at the conferences, I don’t feel like talking to people. But you kind of have to talk to people and make connections. This is why they organise conferences and don’t just share the slides around. It can be hard though to find the energy and preserve it all day. But it went quite smoothly than I expected. I met a few Soton alumni, lots of lecturers from different parts of the world, business people, several maritime undergrad students, some Polish girls from the navy, and even a Turkish professor. I would say this was one of the most successful conferences I have attended. The next day, we went on a field trip to visit a few ports and the university campus that hosted the conference. More people, more conversation, and more email exchanges. I left Pattaya the following day.

Chiang Mai

Then my Chiang Mai days began, and so did my holiday. I extended my trip about a week after the conference, because when would I come to this part of the world again? For Chiang Mai, I had some reservations for a few must-see places. The first was an elephant sanctuary. To be honest, I didn’t know that I could touch or even be near an elephant, but I went anyway. The company took me from my hotel, and on the bus, I heard a British accent behind me. I directly turned and ask, ‘Are you also coming from the UK?’ That was the beginning of a day-long friendship with this English couple. I had the most amazing day at the sanctuary with the elephants and learned a lot about them and myself. Turns out I could touch an elephant and be fine about it. I could even hug and kiss an elephant, because they are the gentlest animals.

The next day was my cooking class day. Again, on the bus, I started talking to the guy a few seats away from me, and ended up spending half the day together. He was a German/Turkish guy who had just graduated from high school and was traveling the world by himself. How cool is that? I liked him a lot, particularly since he thought I was 21, lol.

Then I visited a few temples for the rest of the day and saw some Buddhist students nearby and wanted to talk to them. But I was unsure whether it would be appropriate or even allowed for them. One of them saw me and approached and we started a very nice conversation. Another elderly guy from New Zealand joined us later. Once again, I learned a lot. For example, did you know that you can be in and out of being a Buddhist student (novice) whenever you want? I didn’t. I enjoyed our conversation so much that I wanted to talk to another novice and found a group that volunteered for the day in the temple’s garden and chatted with them for a while. They were from all around the world: Canada, Singapore, and Thailand. There is real beauty in talking to total strangers in a strange land. I asked one of the novices what the Buddhist approach to the afterlife is, and after he talked about reincarnation, he continued with what he believed was a bit different. He believed that we reincarnate every single minute. I asked him how so, and he explained, ‘From our body cells to our thought, everything in our existence changes every second. There’s no need to wait for reincarnating in another body because we’re experiencing this in our very own body all the time.’ I truly loved this interpretation.

Bangkok

The next day I left beautiful Chiang Mai and flew to Bangkok. Dream city, right? I don’t think so. To be honest I liked Chiang Mai and Pattaya better. Bangkok was so big and crowded and felt a bit intense. And there were tourists everywhere! There were lots of tourists in Pattaya and Chiang Mai as well, but Bangkok felt a bit unnatural- just like London. On my first day, I decided to take it easy and stay local, so I found a café nearby for dinner. Since all the tables were taken, I asked a stranger if he minded me sitting with him. He said, ‘Go for it’ and we ended up talking for an hour.

He was also a solo traveler who came from Canada. He had planned to come to Thailand in 2020 with his partner, but because of Covid, he ended up coming now. He also told me that since he does seasonal jobs throughout the year, he has two months to himself every year, which he uses to travel the world. Life is mysterious. I truly believe that everyone we meet, we meet for a purpose. Things operate just the way they’re supposed to work so that we can meet each other and learn from each other.

The next day I visited Grand Palace and joined a tour. While wandering the temple, I asked the tour guide a question, and afterward, one of the people in the group commented on my question. This was an icebreaker and we met. He was from the US and came to Thailand for a business trip. We decided to continue being tourists together for the day. Even though I found Bangkok a bit hectic for my taste, I had so much fun that day.

The following day, I met one of my friends I met in South Korea. This is what I love about traveling. You meet lots of people that you would not normally meet, and you can reunite with them later on somewhere in the world again. We had such a lovely evening, and she treated me to the delicious cuisine of Thailand. I enjoyed Thai food for the last time until God knows when. And the next day- aka today, was my turn to say goodbye to this beautiful country. I’m writing this blog post from a plane, 40.000 feet up. It’s a 13-hour flight and I find it very calming to write when flying.

Thailand is the best trip yet that I have had. But what embellished it was the people I met along the way. Some of my friends asked me when I got back how I trusted them. But how did they trust me? This question goes in both ways, which is often missed. I could be a serial killer just as much as they could. Also, we generally tend to think that we’re special- which we are, but not more than others. We’re just as significant and insignificant at the same time as others. Nothing more, nothing less. It took me ages to comprehend this, and it sure makes life a lot less complicated.