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To My Thirty-Year-Old-Self




‘By thirty, you have hopefully grasped that you are possibly not operating from the geographical centre of universe, that life does not always go your way and that you just may, sometimes, (often actually) have to adjust your aims and your expectations and learn to deal with the disappointment that it brings.’*

An ordinary day in Winchester. But it is hot, I mean boiling hot. The kind that is around 30 degrees but when you are in the UK, due to the humidity, it feels like 45 degrees. So that's kind of hot. Me and my friends are wandering the streets. Bold move in such weather, maybe. But we are having a good time and that’s what matters. Before going back to our hometown, our last stop is a second-hand bookshop. When I go to a bookstore, I usually check two sections first thing: psychology and self-help books. And sometimes child section- perks of being an auntie.

Anyway, I was walking around the shelves and then saw something. ‘The 50 Things: Lessons for When You Feel Lost’. Am I feeling lost? Sometimes, yes. But that day I was not. And yet, I started to read the book. So, it was basically about a man who reaches his 50 age and his ‘I need to leave some sort of life guideline to my 3 children when I’m gone’ decision. Some people may drop this sort of book immediately at this point. But I kept reading. Because to me, this book was a gem.

So there is this guy that I have never heard of, living a completely different life than me, and when turning 50 age, deciding to pour all his knowledge into a book. This is basically when you squeeze that guy, what’s left behind. You have to put yourself in his shoes and live on this part of the planet with his background for 50 years to be able to achieve that kind of life experience. And the fact that he wrote this for his kids makes it even more valuable in my eyes. Anyway, I already decided to get this book. But that was not the only thing that I had decided.

Writing a book is my lifelong dream. I remember when I was around first grade, I decided to become a writer and has written my first ever story. It was, wait for it ‘Snow White and Seven Dwarfs’. Not long after my parents convinced me that in order to write a story, I needed to be authentic. That’s how I learned that you need to come up with something original. My story didn’t end there. Throughout my whole life, I have always written things. Short stories, essays, poems… So much stuff. Luckily my mum kept some of the poems that I have written for her, but the rest is simply lost over years.

Around 10 years ago, when I was in the first year of my bachelor’s degree, I decided to start a blog and write whatever comes to my mind. In the beginning, I was so eager and writing constantly and harassing my close friends afterwards to read my posts. Over the years the blogging world has lost its popularity a bit and but that is okay. Deciding to write a blog and share it with the world is still the best idea of mine to this day. I have grown and accomplished many things in the years, but my blog is what I am most proud of. Anyhow.

Last week, I was checking out some creative writing workshops. Two reasons mainly. I sometimes feel the lack of being in some sort of community that creates things. The other reason is that I am losing my fluency in writing when I don’t write constantly, and I might need a push from time to time. Besides, I know I have been writing random blog posts for a while but actually, I don’t know any technics. So, I thought it would be cool to learn one or two things with the other enthusiasts and have fun. I might or might not get a creative writing course in the near future. Haven’t decided yet. But searching those stuff and reading this book made me think of a million-dollar question. Why don’t I also write my own story, for my 30th age, as a birthday gift to myself?

When I look back, it would be an awesome memory from my Ph.D. years abroad. Even the dream of writing a book makes me so excited. And now knowing that I might actually be able to do that makes me feel full of ecstasy. I have two years ahead of me. And knowing that I am no professional takes off a lot of expectations. Besides, I am already writing my thesis. I think having a side hustle alongside that won’t hurt. And even if I can’t make it, who cares? I am already accomplishing lots that I dreamed of. I think I can afford a few failures on the way to my dreams.


*The 50 Things: Lessons for When You Feel Lost- Peter Dunne


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