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A few days ago, I emailed someone something like this: ..since I just started my PhD... Umm, excuse
me? I am heading to month 5 and my brain still thinks that’s a new thing. No
brain, “we” certainly did not JUST start this journey. After I wrote 2 months
report in this blog, I decided to make some updates time to time- in case
someone out there is wondering what the heck am I doing for this entire
time. Here we go.
Before I started to my PhD, I had some strict rules, like calling it a day after 6 pm or taking the weekends off etc. I was aiming to maintain
work-life balance as though that’s a doable thing. First things first, there is
no such thing as a work-life balance in PhD. Especially in the pandemic. If you
have an assignment to do, deadlines or upcoming meetings; you sit and study.
That’s simple as it is. Unfortunately, I cannot consider my PhD as “work” yet,
so I am not acting as an employee. I am studying when I need to, I am taking some
time off when I want to.
You are leading a big project, maybe the biggest piece of
your entire career. So, of course, you have to make sure that you keep
everything on track. You cannot fall behind or be lazy. This is not a bachelor
or master’s degree, thus naturally you don’t have an exam. But you are
responsible for yourself. Even though you have supervisors to answer, the very
first person you are liable for is yourself. That’s why it is crucially
important that you know your responsibilities and always work hard. But that does not
mean that you have to study 9-6 and take weekends off. Because it is not so
easy to distinguish work from home as most people including me have the same
environment for both now. As long as you know that you fulfil what you have to
do, it doesn’t matter when you’re studying or how many hours a day you‘re
sitting on your desk. In my case, I try to study at least A LITTLE every day
but not until burning myself out. Moreover, since everything is closed now, the
outdoor activities like walking in nature help dramatically to my productivity.
So, I never ignore that along with my studies.
I know it is normal to feel useless in these unprecedented circumstances. I also know that we all should prioritize our mental health. But I am very aware of the fact that nothing has stopped in the world. Work and education continue somehow, and we still have our duties. Even though it is extremely difficult to work while staying home all the time, my deadlines are coming, and I have to move my PhD forward. Even though it is extremely difficult.
The first few months of PhD is pretty much about trying to
understand what you’re doing. It's funny when you say this. Because, “dude,
didn’t you choose your topic BEFORE starting your PhD?” Yes and no. Yes,
because you did determine your research area and wrote a proposal before
starting. But things do not end just choosing and doing a literature review on
it. Most of PhD students’ proposals usually change after they started it. Mine
has changed like five times already, and that’s fine. Because it shows that one
is researching, reading, and thinking. It wouldn’t be so logical if you stuck with
the same questions for the whole PhD process, right? But because it is constantly
changing and evolving, it requires a lot of reading and thinking. And that is
not easy. I completely disagree with the “first year of PhD is easy”
saying. Of course, I have nothing to compare as I have JUST started it, but
still, the adjusting period is very painful. Some nights I feel like my brain
is going to explode of thinking. It is not always this intense tough- thankfully.
I heard lots of pretty good advice since I started, still
receiving those recommendations from the people I am surrounded with. I'm one
of the lucky gals. But if I were giving a piece of advice to my
5-month-before-self I would have said:
“This is your project. This is your 4-year-research-opportunity
to learn. Whatever you do, you do it to yourself.”
Sometimes we try to
trick or fool our superiors to get off certain things. But in PhD, the only
person you fool is yourself. Therefore, it is significantly important to be one hundred per
cent honest with yourself. At least I see it this way.
As a last word, after the 5 months, I think doing a PhD is still the coolest
thing on earth. Even in the pandemic…
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