JUST MY IMAGINATION

Today marks the 27 th of December, nearly 2025. As a tradition, I am once again making a brief post on reflecting on my previous year. In my 2023 post, I said I loved 2023. But I think I loved 2024 even more. It doesn’t mean that things were always good, but I felt like I was alive. I experienced things deeply. It was definitely not a mundane year. My list of good things goes on and on. On the not-so-good list, there's ‘healing my broken heart’ and ‘putting on a few pounds,’ which, all things considered, aren't so bad. I am healthy, and so is my family, with a cute little addition to the crew. This year, I finished my PhD. Well, almost. Submitted my PhD thesis and am now awaiting for my viva. I was awarded a fund for my project, which was quite an achievement for my career. Presented at one more conference and really enjoyed the experience. Travelled to 8 countries- 7 of them were brand new for me. I travelled through South East and East Asia in my crocs, living the ho...

I was watching a documentary about Vietnam while enjoying my store-bought pizza, extra mushrooms. This was the second-best thing that happened to me today. The first was falling asleep on the couch with a new book in my arms, as a rainy storm raged outside. I’m sure you can picture exactly what I’ve described. I’m trying to slow down my weekends, as they should be. In the documentary, they showed videos from a train street in Hanoi, apparently a very famous one. The appeal is that a train passes through a narrow street where there are cafes on both sides with outdoor chairs- as opposed to some sort of barrier between them. It’s exhilarating and slightly dangerous. But exhilarating for sure. As the train approaches, everyone takes out their phones and film the train coming through the little street cafes. It is a cute shot. I can perfectly picture myself taking a nice photo of my coffee with the train. I think this is the whole point of why people go visit the train street. Because, i...

   Today marks the last day of teaching for the semester. I feel exhausted and free, but mostly happy. I have done something I was most scared of—something I thought I could never do. One of my biggest fears. And yet, here I am, having led two module tutorials for a semester and surviving it. It’s been a long time since I’ve truly challenged myself through work, so this experience is incredibly valuable to me. Of course, when I first started my PhD, gave my first presentation, started my first job, or took my first long-haul flight overseas, I felt challenged and scared. But all those moments are in the past. Recently, I’ve been sticking to things I’m already good at. Nothing has particularly pushed me- nothing that made me wake up at 5 a.m. or kept me stressed overnight. As much as I disliked the anxiety coursing through my body, I appreciated the feeling of having a new goal—something to achieve, something that forced me out of my comfort zone. The satisfaction afterwa...

I was walking to the campus and while walking, replying to a few emails at the same time. This is a very bad habit I picked up recently. If I’m not cycling, I usually listen to stuff while walking and since I have to multitask, I also check messages and emails and respond to things I can quickly. Especially if it doesn’t require many brain cells or thinking processes. Of course, nothing is so urgent it can’t wait the thirty minutes it takes to reach my office. But I justify it as lightening my workload. When I first started writing emails regularly as part of my job, I would reread them five times, terrified of unintentionally offending someone. My most irrational fear was coming across as rude due to language barriers. On top of that, most of my emails were addressed to people far senior to me, which only added to my anxiety. Over time, though, this fear faded. Now, I’m much more relaxed. I usually end my emails with “Kind regards.” I’ve never used “Best wishes” or “Warm regards...

  Today marks an important milestone in my life. I just submitted my PhD thesis, and it felt extremely awkward. After I pulled myself together, I visited this bench above, my sad place in Southampton. I have come here so many times. When I get upset, frustrated, or disappointed, I come here to cry, to think, to talk to myself out loud. And today, the reason I came here after my thesis submission was to let go of the things that made me miserable for the last four years. Over the past years, I got upset over so many different things. I got upset over my PhD thesis, over and over again. I got upset over presentations, progression review deadlines, writing, not writing, not being able to read, not being able to understand what I read due to language barriers... I got upset over the wrong people, and then over people who were even more wrong. Countless things. This bench has witnessed my sorrow and stayed still for me while I burst into tears each and every time. And now, since I...

İnsan neden paylaşır? Yaşadıklarına bir başkasını şahit kılmak için. İnsanın evlenmesinin nedenlerinden biri de budur. Ya da birileriyle ilişki yaşamasının sebebi. Çünkü istiyoruz ki birileri hayatımıza şahitlik etsin, tanıklık etsin. Bu hayattan geldik, geçiyoruz. Dünya üzerinde kapladığımız alan belirli. Katı olan her şey buharlaşıyor . Göreceğimiz yerler, tanıyacağımız kişiler ve yapacağımız işler hep sınırlı sayıda. Ama hikayemizi bir başkasına aktarırsak eğer, hikayemiz bir başka bedende varlık bulacak. Ve o başkası bir diğerine, bir diğerine derken, bizim hikayemiz bilinir; biz dünyadan yok olunca silinmez. İnsan bu yüzden yaşar. Bu yüzden kendini her daim yazıyla, resimle, videoyla, müzikle başkalarına ifade etme, tanıtma ihtiyacı hisseder ki, bir gün adı bu yeryüzünden silindiğinde bütün anıları da onunla beraber silinmesin. Sanırım kitap yazmaya biraz da bu sebepten başladım. İnsanlara otobiyografimi yazdığımı söylediğimde, insanlar belki parlak bir hayatım olduğunu ve bu yu...

Belfast: Familiar, Yet New Do you know the phrase “Same same but different”? This is exactly how I felt after coming to Northern Ireland. It is a part of the UK, it looks like part of the UK but somehow feels very different. It is exciting enough to make you feel like you're in a different country, but reassuring enough to know you're in the same one. Belfast was somewhere I wanted to go a few years back, with a friend. We were so sure that we were gonna do this as a girl trip and discover a new part of the UK together. But we did not. In fact, we did not even make a single plan about it. I guess we just loved the idea of going there, but not as much as we wanted to put any effort into it. They believed they could, but they did not. Oh well. Sometimes in life, you want certain things, but you just don’t want them enough to put in the necessary efforts to make it happen. You just like the idea of those things. Nowadays, when I want to make something happen, I do it. This is how ...

Radio Silence. That’s what this blog page has turned into. What the duck man, why aren’t you writing anything? I open my laptop every day, yet, I don’t add another word to either my blog post or my book. Because I’m busy. I am always busy . Who isn’t? If you want to find me, check Waterloo Station. I’m usually roaming around with a cup of coffee. Alright, where were we? Ph.D. Less than a year left. Time really flies, man. It feels like just yesterday when I started this journey, and it’s been like a roller coaster ever since. Do I still like it? I think so. Did I get enough of it and do I want it to be finished so damn much now? Also, yes. Life has been good lately. Very much so. Awarded some grants. New projects loading. Some projects are coming to an end, hopefully. Two conference presentations are pending. Five new country trips are planned, and it is only March. The irony is, not so long ago, I told myself that I wouldn’t travel anymore. At least not this year. And yet, here ...